Empty

I don't know why lately I'm feeling mellow but I'm starting to miss all those stuff that we do when we have someone special in our hearts. Oh yes, I'm talking about romance again...

It's not that I'm starting to feel lonely but the feel to give and share my happiness, to have my downs with somebody special. Sincerely, willingly.

But it seems like I just can't do it with anyone, not anymore.

Maybe you've seen me with someone, you might call me a swinger, you see me as a heartbreaker but none of them actually got a room in my heart. I got lost in confusion, trapped in denial and what did I get in the end? I foretell the ending and go and create the cause.

Sometimes I asked myself why is it so hard to forget someone that has hurt me in the past? And all I want to do is forget. It's true that first love taught me well but only time will heal. It's amusing to found that it has been almost two years since we broke up but this one particular person is still going through my mind, sometimes.

Most of the times I put the blame on him.

Which of course, that is just an excuse.

I'm prejudiced against guys yet I love having them around just to make fun of them.

They became my puppet, my lab mice.

And what did I get in the end?

Satisfaction?

I'm not sure either as the hypothesis will always be the same and predictable.

They say karma will get me back but I replied "I got it first! Let me do the karma this time! Now things are even, isn't it?"

I think I've played alot and I began to lose that touch, that sense of loving someone purely and sincerely.

Now I found myself missing to do something for someone special with all my heart.

To hold someone dearly.

To have him in my mind constantly.

To be the one that he needs.

To be the one who draw the smiles on his face.

To have the feeling of us getting stronger each day.

But all I've got now... I just can't have that feelings after all the flirtatious disses gone.

That's why I asked myself, "and now what?"

Now it's time to;

Save myself.

End up alone.

Again.