My Thoughts on Marriage

Assalamualaikum.

Recently I've been exposed with the topic of marriage with people around me and it makes me wonder lots of things. First of all, it's not that I'm "muda-muda-dah-gatal-fikir-pasal-kahwin" but I was given the chance to obtain a little knowledge regarding this matter at a such young age. Which of course I think it's a good knowledge and exposure for the future that I would like to share with my friends. Before I start, I would like to acknowledge everybody that most of my points of view are based on people's experiences and opinions.

Every single thing in this world has its beautiful and ugly parts. All this while, (being a normal teenage girl) we tend to anticipate that marriage is something beautiful that will last forever. Who doesn't want to be loved by the man whom we love dearly for the rest of our lives? But how do we know the man we will be marrying in future will do his utmost to carry out his duties to the best to the family? Inevitably, both aspects from Duniawi and Akhirat are taken into account.

D U N I A W I

1. MONEY AND WEALTH
This is undeniably true. Money is the root of happiness when it is sufficient but becomes a problem when it is not. My mother has always stresses on one's financial situations. For men especially, they must have a stable income before get married. The two key points here are saving and managing the wealth. Honestly, I wouldn't marry someone who doesn't have a stable income and don't have any savings in his bank account.

You should start saving not only for the wedding reception but for AFTER the marriage as well. If you have saved up, say like RM30k and spend it on just wedding reception and stuff, then have this kinda thought; "Ala, next month dapat gaji, barulah nak mula hidup dengan bini"... Then you are just gonna start your new life with cukup-cukup-makan-jer-lah. Silap haribulan, si suami kena buat double jobs. Lagi kurang masa nak spend dekat rumah.

When I stressed on AFTER means you need a house. Lepas dah beli/sewa rumah. Mestilah kena ada perabot. Perabot tuh termasuklah kelengkapan macam bagai; bilik tidur, ruang tamu, dapur dan macam-macam lagi. Itu belum kira duit makan lagi, duit maintenance wife lagi, house loan, car loan, PTPTN, duit belanja for parents and etc.

But the burden can be lighten if the couple knows the right way to MANAGE their finance. Takkan lah dah lepas move in together baru fikir nak beli perabot semua. Baru fikir kena cut cost sini sana. Patutnya lepas kahwinlah baru boleh pergi enjoy, dating sana sini, tapi dah tak dapat buat. Siapa yang dapat duduk dengan mentua, baguslah but still tak bermakna you can take them for granted. (But my mother totally against the idea).

Speaking of money, nowadays ramai yang kahwin pakai bank loan. Tambah loan lagi dalam hidup. So siapa yang pandai manage duit, memang dia tak perlu nak ambil bank loan semata-mata nak kahwin and to have the-wedding-of-the-year reception. Dahulukan ibadah, benda wedding fairytales itu adat semata-mata sahaja.

Back to saving issue, let's say you still couldn't found the right one by the time your age hit 25, I highly recommend you to start save up for marriage. You wouldn't know where your so-called right one will turn up. Be prepared. Lagipun kalau tengah muda dan single... Lagi senang nak gain extra income by doing overtime or double jobs sebab takder komitmen lain.


2. MEN LACK OF SUCCESS DRIVE VS INDEPEDENT WOMEN
Nowadays, only 1 out of 10 men is motivated to be successful in his life; to achieve his self-actualization needs. I was told that zaman sekarang pun memang lelaki cari perempuan kaya or anak orang kaya untuk hidup senang. By saying perempuan kaya, the woman might owns a company and the husband will be one of the board director eventually.

Senang cerita, sijil Degree tolak tepi, kahwin perempuan kaya lepas tuh terus boleh dapat share jadi bos dekat his wife's company. Best kan? Kalau anak orang kaya pula, buat baik dengan ayah mentua, gain his trust, pun boleh jadi bos dekat company ayah mentua. But this kinda thing is still subjective. As for me, I'm not interested with a guy who leads a very normal and simple life sebab saya sendiri pun bercita-cita besar. Tapi ingat semua perempuan feels good ke kalau husband tak kerja sendiri and menumpang kemewahan yang dah sedia ada? Tak jugak.

Meanwhile wanita sekarang semakin bijak berdikari. They know how to earn a living and be more successful. Yes, they are demanding because they know they can pull it off and they know what they want. Sebab tuh semakin banyak juga kes cerai berai. Sebab wanita sekarang semaking berani untuk justify diri mereka sendiri. Mentaliti mereka bukannya macam wanita zaman-zaman dulu; hidup kena bergantung pada suami untuk dapatkan nafkah hidup. Sebab mereka mampu untuk sara hidup diri sendiri, mereka tak perlukan seseorang bernama suami WHEN shit happens.

What I'm saying is, if they caught their husband cheating on them, beating them, tak bagi nafkah anak and etc, then couldn't work things out, finally the last resort is to get divorced. Kena pulak kalau si husband nih tak bekerja. Memang kiss-me-goodbye lah jawabnya. In fact, ramai juga janda-janda muda yang berusia dalam lingkungan awal 30-an. There's a person I know and yes, she was left by her husband, fortunately she is a career woman and boleh sara 2 orang anak dia on her own. So who's the man now?


3. TOLERATION VS MARRY A PERSON HOW YOU EXPECT THEM TO BE

Perempuan belajar tinggi-tinggi mana pun, last-last ke ceruk dapur juga kena pergi.

Familiar tak potongan ayat nih?
Like I said in beginning, we tend to anticipate that marriage is something beautiful. Lelaki pun ada expectation dia bila dah kahwin. Mereka fikir bila dah kahwin nanti, time dah balik kerja, isteri akan dah tunggu dekat rumah, dinner is ready on the table, laundry semua si isteri yang buat.. macam orang zaman-zaman dulu punyer expectation lah. But what will happen if that expectation seems never happening?

There's a few factor involved.
1. The wifey's nature of job.
2. The high expectation on wife

Before got married, si lelaki patutnya memang kena ambil tahu how is his woman's nature of job. Contoh kalau kerja event management, memang taklah isteri nak kejer from 9-5 kan? Mesti kena balik lewat malam which mean tak dapat nak masak dinner. Pastu biasanya kalau si isteri balik lambat, boleh mengundang fitnah.

Tapi ada pula si polan bertanya, "kenapa isteri tuh tak tukar kerja jer? Kerja government jer lah macam tuh."
As I've mentioned earlier, perempuan sekarang pun bercita-cita besa, terpelajar, semakin pandai dah.
Fikirlah, yang kami kaum hawa nih belajar tinggi-tinggi, sampai 3,4 tahun, ada yang sampai buat Degree, Master untuk apa? Some of us further the course that we are longing to do because we know what we want to be. Kalau memang dah minat, memang enjoylah even kena kerja kuat macam mana pun. So takkanlah belajar tinggi-tinggi nak jadi kuli batak untuk suami yang selfish macam tuh jer? (Oops! terkasar!)

That's why toleration is very important. Faham each other seadanya dan cuba adapt diri dengan keadaan kerja masing-masing. Try to figure things out.

Contoh kalau nakkan isteri tuh sampai rumah sebelum si suami pulang, sebelum kahwin tuh, cubalah dapatkan rumah yang berdekatan dengan tempat kerja isteri. Lagi dekat, lagi bagus. So isteri bolehlah sampai rumah dahulu.

So for the guys out there yang memang dah tahu ciri-ciri isteri yang diidamkan, carilah perempuan yang sebegitu. Kalau nakkan isteri yang sentiasa duduk rumah, kemas rumah, jaga pakaian, makan minum semua, pergilah masuk kampung, cari anak ketua kampung ke.. Rasanya mereka lebih senang dengar kata daripada perempuan bandar yang ada ego nih. *sinis*

Takpun, si isteri takyah kerja langsung. No problem! Janji diberi allowance. Adalah jugak duit nak window shopping ker bila bosan duduk rumah. Tapi ada berani nak suruh isteri zaman sekarang jadi housewife? Tak kan? Kenapa? Sebab back to point number 1. Money, money, money!

In a nutshell, it's okay to be choosy. Lebih baik anda memilih pasangan hidup sekarang so tak terkeluarlah statement fofuler artis seperti; "Kami sudah tidak sehaluan."

Sebab before kahwin, main redah jer.
Tak reti masak? Takper. Boleh makan luar.
Tak reti basuh baju? Takper. Boleh hantar dobi.

Perempuan pun kena lah belajar cara-cara how to keep husband yer?

Habis sudah Part 1.
Part 2 akan kupas my opinions from aspect of Akhirat & Agama.