Lonely in the Crowd

I'm being so emo today. Hate it. I hate it when people see me cry. It annoys me when they keep asking me why I'm crying. I just hate to cry in front of people!

Today, my school got Hari Membina Azam. As usual, I fell asleep during the motivation speech. Actually, I do fall asleep fast in my school hall. Nothing happens till the climate of the event. We all have to sing a few songs as a symbol that we are strong in anything that we're doing. (Actually, I just made it up) *cough* So, we all sang Fikirkan Boleh (lame song, i know), Heal The World, Hero by Mariah Carey and Greatest Love of All. In the hall, I sat with my classmates and most of them have their own clique. When we were singing the first three songs, we were still sitting in our lines because our discipline teacher didn't allowed us to stand up like the previous years. We don't know why. But when the fourth song which is the The Greatest Love of All began to start, she allowed us to stand up and people started to gather around with their clique.

Somehow, I'm started to feel lonely in the crowd, feel left out and sad. As myself singing, I saw my friends' cliques keep holding each other. Singing together. Just like I used to do when I was in Form 3 and last year. During that time, I was so close with Farah, Ru, Ain, Izati, Shaf and Amy. Now, I find myself standing back and reminiscing when I have to watch my friends holding with their besties and clique. I remember the time I spent together with them and thought we've should be together by now but what I was see right before my eyes are....

Farah and Amy holding hands with their classmates. Ru, Ain and Shaf as well. With their own clique. I know we no longer spend much time together because we are in the different classes and they've got their own clique but seems like they've forgotten me. From behind, I watching and waiting. I wonder if they would atleast turn their head around to find me or feel something is incomplete. I was hoping and waiting but... none of them try to look at the back. I feel so sad. Even until now. Plus, Shaf is being cold to me as school started. I don't know what's wrong with her. Last year also she did the same thing to me. Her reason was, I'm becoming Shaz. *sigh* But now? She can't keep on blaming me. Even I noticed that she's hardly to approach me or hardly say anything to me.

When the song get into the chorus, it moves me when I listen to the lyrics. I burst into tears. I felt so left out. It's not like I can't join and sing together with other cliques. But how would you feel if someone suddenly turn up and join your group? Even you are nice with the person but you must feel disturbed because you want to be together with your group. Right after the session finished, Hidayah noticed I was crying and I'm glad that she comforted me. Thanks dear. I really need it. In canteen, I catch Ru and hugged her from back. Suddenly, I felt like crying. I told her I miss the good old days. But she... just forget it.. My tears still couldn't stop from coming out. I decided to let go all my tears. I cried in the toilet. I still couldn't believe how emo I was. Hurmm.. somehow I still shed a tear for what happened today. ='(