I miss expressing myself

I am turning 28 this year. Life has been hectic and great at the same time. I've been working really hard for the past nine months. I am so lucky to be able to stay with my family and minimize my daily expenses. I managed to save a lot of money for myself. Anyway, here I am doing double jobs and still enjoy juggling between these two.

Anyway, I miss writing so much.

I miss expressing my feelings in form of poetry, long Instagram post, and tweets. Ever since I started working and recovered from my depression, I no longer write.

Well, mainly because I am lazy.

My time is too occupied that makes my creative juice dried up.

I am becoming reserved.

I am in a state where I don't proud of what I'm doing. Not exactly in that way but more like, I'm working hard to be where I want to be someday but right now, I am not in impressive state yet.

There are so many things happened in my life including my relationship. I'm keeping it low to a point no one knows or could sense that I've been dating someone for more than one year now. Except for few close friends. They knew about him.

I never post anything about him on my social media accounts but doesn't mean he is unappreciated. Like I said, I'm becoming reserved. Although there are times I really want to post his photo and our stories but I always told myself the time hasn't arrived yet. 

So, he is one of the reasons why I want to start to write again. I never wrote a poem for him. I never dedicated any post for him. I really like what we have now and how I keep it so low from everyone.

Other than that, I want to keep this blog as a diary or journal whatever you call it. I think this is one of the important phase in my life and I need to carve this memory in a form of writing.

But let's start with a simple introduction.

I graduated from UPM in 2016 which is one year due because I had to repeat my final semester.

Why?

Because I suffered from depression during my final year and I couldn't study at all. I failed miserably and so many people affected because of my selfish act. But I was mentally ill back then. Long story short, my lecturers helped me out and a big thanks to my university counselor for putting me back on the track.

So, I managed to finish my study and graduated a year later.

During my recovery period, I went to stay in SRI LOVELY, Sik, Kedah to discover about permaculture and organic farming. I stayed there for almost three months and yes, I felt it was like a rehab. I managed to get back on my feet and reclaim myself.

Then I came back to KL.

I knew I had to find a work but at the same time I wasn't keen for office work although I have a Degree certificate.

I applied for a part-time post at TGV Cinemas AU2 and I got accepted.

At the same time also, I started to do home tuition and became a pritave tutor under MyTutor Academy.

Although it seemed like odd jobs but I managed to earn the monthly income as same as fresh graduates. 

Oh man, I'm feeling sleepy now. I better hit the sack by now. I need to do opening at 9am tomorrow morning.

Will continue tomorrow.

Paranoia

I thought things will be smooth when I finally found someone significant and I won't hesitate to be in a relationship but I was wrong.

I just figured out that I actually have self issues and I never thought what I went through in my previous relationship could affect me badly now. I knew I was emotionally abused by Alwi back then and I took it and believed every single thing that he said about me (mostly my flaws). But I never thought I actually subconsciously still believing it.

Afif once told me that, he doesn't like an overly attached girlfriend - a type of girlfriend who can't do stuff without the boyfriend, not living her life as an individual and her life mainly revolves around her boyfriend. When he told me that, I am pretty sure I am not that type of girl as I've been living my whole life on my own throughout my singlehood. I know what to do, I know the things that I do and I don't need a man to lean on - I am emotionally independent.

But just when I closed my eyes, every single words that Alwi once uttered to me came haunting my night thoughts;

"You are very clingy to me. You are obsessed with me. I rimas okay! Our problems started because of you. Kalau you tak menyibuk too much into my stuff, I wouldn't go out with her at the first place!"

Yes, I remember it clearly that I became obsessive when I felt something wrong about him and the girl he just met. I would asked his whereabouts and wanting him to text me 24 hours a day because I thought that's the only way I can secure him. But I was wrong. They had an affair and that's one of the many reasons why we broke up. My friend told me he was manipulating me because the blame is on him. Yes, it's possible for anyone to fall for another person but cheating is always an option. But I was vulnerable back then, I believed that Alwi was right about me. If only I didn't behave that way, perhaps he would've had more space and didn't feel suffocate being with me because we both were going through growing pains back then. If only I understood that phase of our lives at that time... I felt like a monster to him...

And of course the thoughts hit me hard. What if, that is how I truly behave when I have boyfriend? Like, that is my true colour? It would be impossible for any man to withstand that version of me - a living nightmare.

So, when Afif told me that, it reminds me to what kind of monster I am capable to be. How am I supposed to know how clingy can be overly attached? How mengada-ngada can be so mengada-ngada?  The thoughts are making me to be more self conscious. Instead of focusing in giving him the best version of me and wanting to stay with him, I feel more like preparing myself to leave whenever he no longer likes me...

I just wanna feel free in loving him.

MOTD #3

Face Primer: Sephora Smoothing Primer
Foundation: Maybelline New York Dream Liquid Mousse Foundation (Airbrush Finish)
Concealer: Maybelline New York Pure Concealer Mineral
Eye Primer: Hope Girl Magic Skin Primer
Eyeshadow: L'elan Vital Lip and Eye Palette & IN2IT Long Wearing Eye Colour (ED15 Kapow)
Eyeliner: SilkyGirl Precision Sharp Eyeliner Pen (01 Blackest Black)
Blusher: Maybelline New York Cheek Color (Velvet Apricot)
Lipstick: Kate Tokyo Smooth Colour Rouge (PK-1)

Woman's Breasts Need A Break Too!

As I was browsing the online store to buy myself a couple of new bras, I stumbled upon news saying research has found that bras do nothing to help support a woman's breasts and could even be doing damage,

"Our first results confirm the hypothesis that the bra is a false need," Rouillon told France Info. "Medically, physiologically, anatomically, the breast does not benefit from being deprived of gravity. Instead, it languishes with a bra."

The 15-year study involved 330 volunteers between the ages 18 and 35. Researchers measured their breasts using a slide ruler and a caliper and recorded any changes throughout the study period.

When I read this, I feel relieved with the result of study because truthfully, I don't like to wear bra when I'm staying at home for all day long. I only wear bra when I leave the house or there's a guest coming to our place. Most of the time that I spend at home, I go braless because I really think it's unnecessary to wear bra at home. Some of my friends would commented saying my breast will sag faster if I don't wear bra but here is what the researcher has found;

Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, a sports medicine specialist from Centre Hospitalier Universitaire de Besancon in Besancon, France, published a study that shows that wearing bras may not prevent women's breasts from sagging, and may in fact increase it.

Women who did not wear bras had a 7 millimeter lift as measured from their nipples each year. Their breasts were also firmer, and their stretch marks faded. 

The researchers believed that wearing bras prevented the growth of breast tissue, which lead to deterioration of the muscles that support the breasts. If you don't wear a bra, the muscles are worked-out more, the findings suggest.

Overall, he found that women who did not use bras benefited in the long term, developing more muscle tissue to provide natural support. As France’s The Local notes, Rouillon also noticed that nipples gained a higher lift, in relation to the shoulders, on women who went braless. When bras are worn, the restrictive material prevents such tissue from growing, which may actually accelerate sagging, the study concluded.

To confirm this, I looked up more about premature breast sagging and ran some test on my breasts to see whether they're sagging or not. Therefore to answer the questions, I ran the following tests:

THE PENCIL TEST
Place a pencil under the breast under-fold and if your breasts hold the pencil, then you have sagging.
My result: Negative. The pencil fell down.

THE BRA TEST
Do you need a bra to keep your breasts up on your chest?
My answer: Nope.
Do your breasts fall when you remove your bra?
My answer: Nope. In fact, they stayed in the same shape even after I removed the bra.
My result: Negative.

The reason why my friend made such comment because she thought that my breasts are not blossom enough. Little did she know, I've stopped wearing underwire and push-up bra since two years ago and women have different breast shapes. Just because your breast is not fuller enough, doesn't mean it's sagging.

Different shapes of women's breasts

Sagging breasts means the nipples are pointing downward but mine are absolutely not. My breasts tissue also seems to be placed perfectly. 

Since I've hit puberty and developed mature breasts shape in my late teens, I don't wear bra religiously at home and now I am turning 26 years old and to me, at least in retrospect, I don't develop premature breast sagging due to my braless habit.

However ladies, breast sagging is a natural process that happens with age where the breasts lose their suppleness and elasticity. Like all the tissue in our body, they’re made up of collagen and elastin, which break down as we age. If you're married and have children, and your breasts started to sag, it's normal because enlargement of the breasts during pregnancy, followed by their deflation after the end of breast feeding, stretches the Cooper’s Ligaments which reducing fibrous tissue, breast volume and leading to sagging. But if you're unmarried and never got pregnant but your breasts begin to droop, it's a sign of premature breast sagging. Fret not, there are remedies for breast lifts. 

WHY I STOPPED WEARING UNDERWIRE BRA

Two years ago, the introduction of Genie Bra caught my attention. It looks like a women sports bra. Genie Bra has no seams, wires, hooks or adjusting straps. It is made from nylon; its stretchable soft fabric provides a comfortable wear. 

It fits well and with it having no adjusting straps, I never have the inconvenience of the straps slipping off my shoulders. Each bra comes with removable pads which can be slipped in the specially designed insert pockets to provide extra lift and coverage support, to enhance shape and for perkier look.

Most importantly, I don't have to deal with the normal bra's underwire's poking out since Genie Bra is wireless. The support is adequate and it doesn't push my breasts up as a push-up bra which I really love because I don't like to draw men's attention to my bust. 

Knitted wide support band conceals back fats and bulges

But, let me just be honest. The reason why I'm switching from underwire bra because Genie Bra is machine washable and never loses its shape! I repeat, NEVER! I had enough dealing with the poking through wire, loose strap and distorted cup shape of underwire bra. I've been wearing Genie Bra for almost two years and it still fits me perfectly although it's getting worn out. 

Genie Bra is not the prettiest and sexiest lingerie but rather adequate for their practicality, moderate support and comfort.

MOTD #2

Face Primer: Sephora Smoothing Primer
Foundation: Maybelline New York Dream Liquid Mousse Foundation (Airbrush Finish)
Concealer: Maybelline New York Pure Concealer Mineral
Eye Primer: Hope Girl Magic Skin Primer
Eyeshadow: Elianto Lustre Shadow (04 Venetian Pink) & SilkyGirl Duo Eye Shadow (01 Monet Lavender)
Eyeliner: SilkyGirl Precision Sharp Eyeliner Pen (01 Blackest Black)
Blusher: IN2IT Waterproof Twin Blush (BIT 02 Allure)
Lipstick: Maybelline New York Color Sensational LipGradation (PINK2)

MOTD #1

Face Primer: Sephora Smoothing Primer
Foundation: The Face Shop Oil Control Water Cushion (V203 Natural Beige)
Concealer: Maybelline New York Pure Concealer Mineral
Eye Primer: Hope Girl Magic Skin Primer
Eyeshadow: Maybelline New York Eye Studio (MX-1 New York Night) & Avon True Colour Eyeshadow Duo (Chestnut)
Eyeliner: SilkyGirl Precision Sharp Eyeliner Pen (01 Blackest Black)
Blusher: IN2IT Waterproof Twin Blush (BIT 02 Allure)
Lipstick: Maybelline New York Color Sensational Rebel Bouquet (REB04)

Ugly Duckling

As I'm passing middle twenties, I started to recognized the importance of having good appearance for all the time. All this while, I only doll up when attending formal events and functions but now, I'll make sure I look presentable whenever I leave the house.

I also started to switch up my wardrobe to have more feminine and lady like's clothing. Previously, if I went out and planning not seeing anyone, I would just put on my jeans, tshirt, tudung bawal and of course, my favourite pair of sneakers. And bare face too! (Application of BB cream doesn't count as a basic makeup)

But not anymore. I will dress up, put a decent amount of makeup to make myself look presentable. One of the many reasons that made me wanna change because I coincidentally stumbled upon friends when going out alone and after we took photos, I realized that I felt so left out. We were in the same age but I felt embarrassed with my childish appearance.

This was taken in early 2015. I didn't even feel self conscious about my appearance which is BAD! 

I also think that young women should know how to put on makeup and taking care of their faces. Because of my sister, I learnt how to put makeup on my own since I was in teenager. At least I know the basic makeup application and now I just need to enhance my makeup skills and experiment more with the makeup kits.

What I would wear today for a casual outing

I no longer wear sneakers for casual outing too!

Shoes play important role too. I think I have get rid of my sneakers and replaced them with wedges and wedge loafers for casual outing. I still prefer closed toe shoes because that's how I keep my feet fair and stay in shape. I never knew the beauty of perfectly shaped feet until my friend pointed it out to me. She said that I have a perfect feet shape and my toes are in neat shape. I guess it was a natural process because I've been wearing socks and sneakers since I was a little girl. I don't wear flip flops too. That's how important closed toe shoes are.

Perfectly shaped feet

My current style. Not very feminine but grown up enough.

Happy New Year 2011

Today is 13th January and it's not late for me to blog a "New Year" post. The truth is I already have made the summary of 2010 but has not completed yet. I would say, I had a kick off to a good start! Not to mention that I really enjoyed my New Year celebration. I'm so gonna blog that later. I had a sleepover party with my adorable cousins. Yes, they are all underage and I'm 20 but who cares! We had a great time rolling into each other. :D

Secondly, I'm helping my parents running our first family business. Tee-hee! We have our vacation house in Pangkor Island and due to the booming domestic business of homestay, we have decided to turn our vacation house into a homestay. I'm gonna go to the details and do the promotions later. ;) So I'm in charge for the marketing and promotion. My dad is the host and the caretaker of the house as well. Mama? Well, she is the Chairman of the Board of Directors, of course.

Thirdly, I'm currently in my last semester of Diploma! Yeah, yeah hooray! Can't wait to get out from Bangi. Boo hoo~ :D I really wanna go to UPM badly. I don't care about other institutions but UPM has been my dream university since I was in form 4. I have already determined to do Agriculture Business since then. I still remember that everyone would laugh at me when I told them my ambition which is to have my very own farm. I wanna be one of the supplier of the livestock in our food industry. I'm making my way in reaching my ultimate ambition. Everytime I'm passing by the UPM farm, I couldn't help myself but daydreaming about it. The best part is to see all those cute cows. Ahh, wait for me UPM!

Fourthly, I'm taking only four subjects for this semester which of course, I have lots of free time to waste. Well, I take the opportunity to generate money from that. I wanna do a small business in my college. I'm gonna offer designing service. Say like design a poster, brochure and all those printing stuff and plus with a basic video editing. :) Last but not least, I'm doing a part time job during weekends! It's not like I'm desperate for money but I just couldn't stay and do nothing now. I just feel like to have something, do something. And that is an enjoyment for me. Final semester and final projects await me too!

As for my loyal readers. Ceh~ So perasan. I hope you've noticed that my background has changed. I pretty much in love with the colour and how it makes my layout have that scrapping feelings.

As for the link?
Yes, I've changed the link from areniex to anisawrus.blogspot.com.
I'm done with areniex. The time for Anisawrus is here. :) RAWR!

I've had these throughout my life, so far.

At the age of 19 years and 10 months old, I think I've had a few kind of unusual diseases throughout my life. Since I was baby and til my late teen years. Let's see... from the common to the uncommon ones.

1. High fever

2. Flu

3. Asthma

4. Chickenpox

5. Eye burning

6. Skin rashes

7. Scabies (skin infection)

I'd rather not to Google the images. So.. euw.

8. Mouth ulcers

Same.

9. Anorectal abscess

Go find out on your own. Haha.

10. Cystitis

11. Irritable bowel syndrome

E.leven??

Wow.. that's quite a lot. Google says that these diseases are common and most people have it and yadayadayada... but not for me. Look at it, I'm not sure how on earth I got such diseases. And I guess, the list could go on because I found out that I tend to get a new kind of disease each year. I'm actually feel like I'm really living my life you know. Because I've experienced such a PAINFUL symptoms. *sniffs*

There are a few from the list that I'd say a recurrent disease. Why? Because they seem to reappear after a period of time. Scabies is a must. In fact, it's in the family blood. My father and my siblings have it. The trigger could be anything. A dust, insect's bites, mites, algae and it is unexpected. Whenever the red polka dots show up on our skin, that's when we know it's coming! Rawrarar! Since then, calamine lotion has always be our best friend. *winks*

Okay, I really don't know why I'm blogging about this. Medical history report perhaps? LOL.

Crush(s) and I

Have you ever been in a situation where you have a big crush on someone but don't know how to approach him/her? Okay, I would like to share my personal experiences in approaching my crushes. Oh yes, word crush with s at the end. =P

I still remember one of my cutest childhood memory. I had this HUGE crush on my tuition mate when I was in form three. I didn't have the guts to approach him or to start a conversation. So I was happy just to be his secret admirer and I thought we will not meet each other after we're done with PMR. But guess what? Two years later, we met each other back. At that time, I was extremely happy to see him back and we went to the same tuition center, again. 

So this time, I shall not miss any chances. I will approach him and I want him to notice my presence. However, I didn't plan for all this. One day, my dad insisted to send me early to the tuition class to avoid traffic jammed. (My place is at Keramat and my tuition center is at Cheras)

I don't like to go early because I have to wait for the previous class finishes. But that day, changed everything.  I was sitting on the floor, alone, reading my notes then I saw him, my crush, walk out from the lift and he saw me! Of course he noticed I was looking at him so I quickly give him a warm smile. He replied my smile. (Wheee!) I looked down and pretending read my notes. Later, I heard his voice calling for me. (For real?) And that's how we gotta know each other and become friends. Since then, I have always come early just to have some time with him because he told me, nobody come early like he did. Yes. He was right.

So my advise would be; you need to identify when is the time, where is the place your crush usually goes alone. A warm smile is always a good start.

Moving on, this happened during last semester. I had a crush on one of my senior in the college. I've noticed him since I was in second semester. I've always wanted to say 'hye' to him. Finally, I've got guts to do that but in a creative way. I drew myself in a cartoon version, cut it out and at the back of paper, I wrote 'HYE'. I wanted to put it on his bag. My idea was to do it repeatedly until he bothers to know who is the sender of the papers.

One day, I didn't manage to put the paper secretly on his back because I couldn't find his bag when he left it outside library. So with the courage I had, I confront him and give him that paper and said, "this is for you" *big smiles and run away!*

To my surprised, he called me back from behind... I turned around and went back to get him. He gave me back that piece of paper. I was disappointed. "He doesn't want to accept that. He must have a girlfriend already.." I thought to myself. He was smiling happily.. I smiled at him back but inside I wasn't. I left him with a bitter feeling and I went to get Sherry back. With a disappointing voice I said to her that he returned back the paper.

Sherry took the paper from my hand and she flipped the paper. Suddenly she asked, "Anis, did you give your number to him?".
"No, I didn't. Why?" I replied.
"Then, who's number is this?" she showed the back side of the paper.
*jaw-drops*
"OMG!! He gave me his number!" I cried.

Guess what? He wrote me his number at the back of my drawing. I just wanted to say 'hye' to him.

Most of my friends said what I did was a total cute. I thought so. Hehe. The reason why I used orange colour paper is because my bagpack is in orange colour and that cartoon drawing looks exactly like me when I'm in college. The center parting of fringe and ponytail. =)

So what are you waiting for? Don't you get a little of inspiration from reading this entry? Go get your crush now! Good luck! =D

Crossed out!

My wish list for the near future:
Sony Ericsson W910i
A brand new mountain bike
Have a driving license
Acer Aspire 2930 and Celcom broadband

I finally crossed out 'A brand new mountain bike'

I still couldn't believe that I've finally bought it!
Okayh, no pictures.
The bike isn't with me.
Haha. It is currently being kept by Alwi.
I will be dead meat if my parents found out about this, so, zip your mouth please. ;)
For them, MTB is expensive but I've got it with a good price plus with a good quality helmet.
I'm so excited about my new baby! We named it Rocky. Haha.
I think I might take it up around Shah Alam on this Sunday.
Maybe, maybe not.

Somehow, I really can't wait for my holidays to finish because I can't wait to see my results? Teehee. I'm hoping for another 3 pointer and above and I do target Dean's List this time.
Last but not least, real time with Rocky! I might be on the road for starting up and I can't wait to go off road.
Wait for me, Putrajaya Bike Park!
And not to forget, Putrajaya Challenge Park Ride too!

That's the nearest mountain bike trails that I could think of at the moment. As in, from Bandar Baru Bangi of course.

Toodles!

Friends come and go

and that's the words that could describe me perfectly.

I am that kind of friend. When there's a presence of distance.

I would say "take care and bye" and the next day I'm gone, living my own life. After a while, maybe a year or two, I would pop out from nowhere with "Hi! How have you been doing?"

It's true that I didn't make any effort to keep in touch.
Am I putting them aside?
Perhaps..
Why?
Because I don't see them.
Yet, I never intended to avoid them. Let the time decides. That's it.

For some people, it's rude to be like that. But too bad, I am not that kind of person that would commit 100% of myself in a friendship. I prefer to have a distance from my friends especially good friends of mine. It's more fun to catch things up after a quite some time missing from each other.

That's the reason why we all have online networking. I may not drop by to your page to say "Hi" but I can check up what you are up to. You upload your latest photos, update yourself on the blog. That's fine isn't it?

But when I say "Go", doesn't mean I would terminate the friendship, doesn't mean that I don't remember my friends. I shall come back to get in touch for sure. It's just the matter of time.

Insomnia and parasomnia now? Great!

First episode.

I was sleeping and suddenly my hand phone's alarm rang loudly.
Nuzul: Weh! Tutuplah alarm kau.
Me: *turned off the alarm*
.....
*read a new message, with eyes normal open, and give the hand phone to Nuzul as if wanted her to read the message*
Nuzul: Haa? Apa ni? Takder kena-mengena dengan aku pun?
Me: *back to sleep*

Second event.

I was watching a J-Drama on Nuzul's laptop in my bed. I put the laptop between my legs and I laid back. After a while, I fell asleep and suddenly I moved my legs to the side position and the laptop fell down from the bed and hit the floor!

Ana whom still awake at that time was shocked by the loud sound and she said to me to pick up the laptop quickly but I didn't do anything. My eyes were normal opened, I moved my body and went back to sleep.

When they told me what happened to me while I was sleeping, I don't remember anything at all. Although my eyes were opened as if I was awake, my body, legs and hands were moving, it wasn't under my control. I was totally unconscious and I wasn't having any dreams, I think.

It was like I've been hypnotized.

Then, I remember something. A couple of weeks ago Mama told me that she found me making sound while I was sleeping. She can't tell whether I was laughing or crying.

That's a bit scary.

I wonder what's wrong with me. I searched it up on the net and found that I'm having somnambulism or also known as sleepwalking.

Sleep walking (also called somnambulism) typically happens during a non-rapid eyes movement sleep, usually during the first third of the person's sleep cycle. When it occurs, a sleeping person becomes able to sit up in bed, look and move around, walk and perform other actions as if they are awake. Sleepwalkers usually do not walk around with their arms extended forward as depicted by sleepwalkers in the movies. Instead, they usually appear to be making very normal motions.

The sleep walking activities may only last a few seconds or they can last for as long as 30 minutes. The sleep walker may appear awake, with open eyes; however, they are not awake and they will be difficult to awaken. Once awake, the sleepwalker will not remember sleep walking when asked about the event.

and it is perfectly a common sleep disorder! Pheeeeeww~

The overall cause of sleep walking is unknown. It is believed that sleep walking is caused when the sleeper's pattern of alternating REM and NREM sleep cycles is suddenly broken for any reason. I think, I happened to had depression (when Mama found me making sound in the bed) and was really exhausted. Yea, I didn't have enough rest lately.

But still it's weird when I compared myself with my brother. He also stayed up the whole night and did not sleep for a day or two to finish his project. But I never found him moving when he was asleep. He's more likely to be like a dead person. Haha.

So peeps, have a good rest tonight.

Cycling bebeh!

Anisawrus is now leading towards a healthy and active lifestyle. I'm taking up cycling as my new hobby and passion as well.

I don't ride a new mountain bike but just a very old hybrid bike.

Major different between HB and MTB.

Hybrid bike is just a normal 'slim-slender-type' bike without front suspension and the tyres are medium size.


Mountain bike has front suspension and bigger size of tyres.
I prefer to go on road rather than off road. Or maybe because I haven't been to any dirt trail yet. I don't know where to start. I know there's a lot in KL but not in Bandar Baru Bangi though. Besides that, I still prefer to explore places and have a leisure ride. I'm loving my hybrid bike because it's super light compare to mountain bike and it feels nicer. Moreover, I'm just beginner. No need to spend so much aite?

But of course I'm so gonna get myself a new mountain bike sooner or later. Insyaallah, hopefully it will be within this year. Hehehe. But I need a helmet first!

Despite having cycling as my hobby, my bicycle has also been very helpful to me in running my errands smoothly;

• I'm no longer wasting my money on bloody expensive taxi fare just to withdraw money from the nearest ATM machine, to buy foods and to go to the photocopy center.
• I am now cycling to the class and I am the only person in KPTM Bangi who does that! Yes peeps. Wearing baju kurung and cycling to the class.
• I'm a trendsetter. Literally, my supportive friends are bringing their bicycles to hostel to join me.
• I'm getting rid of fats in my body but building up some muscles. Thus, my weight is still the same.
• But yeah, I'm slimming down. That's just a bonus for me though.
• I've got to visit my friends!

So how far have I gone?

• I have made a big round of Bandar Baru Bangi.
• My first adventure was cycling all way from Seksyen 14, BBB (Desa Siswa KPTM) to Bandar Baru Nilai (CFS IIUM) using the long road. I went through the Bangi Lama, Bukit Mahkota and take road to Nilai from there. Somehow, I made it to Nilai 3 and Nilai Impian too. I swear, I won't go there again. There's alot of tonggek hills over there!
  

The next one? Bangi to Putrajaya perhaps.

Till then. Toodles!

Mainan sial

"Selamat malam dan mimpi indah kekasihku"

Itulah kata-kata yang sering kali meniti di skrin telefon bimbit kami setiap malam.

Tapi tidak semestinya dengan mengucapkan mimpi indah, visual yang bakal kita alami ketika tidur akan menjadi indah.

Semua orang mesti pernah mendapat mimpi buruk apatah lagi yang tidak sedap rasanya. Aku juga tidak pernah terlepas. Antara mimpi buruk lagi hodoh aku pernah dapat adalah:

1. Berdepan dengan situasi kejar-mengejar oleh penjahat dan hampir dirogol.
2. Aku bawak kereta terbahak-bahak kemudiannya langgar pokok dan jatuh gaung.
3. Mama dan abah adalah pelakon utama dalam mimpi ini. Terlalu sulit untuk dinyatakan.
4. Aku curang dengan Alwi.

Keempat-empat mimpi ini aku masukkan dalam kategori 'Mimpi Sial'. Memang celaka sangat.
Yang paling aku takut dan seram adalah mimpi pertama.
Kedua itu tidak berapa jelas tapi macam adegan bunuh diri pun ada.
Ketiga adalah paling menyayat hati.
Keempat? Paling sedih.

Selamat lelaki simpanan yang muncul dalam mimpi itu memang 101% aku tidak kenal dan tidak berkaitan dalam hidup aku.

Apa pun, macam bangang gila. Aku benci gila kat diri aku dapat mimpi macam tu. Kau tahulah kan bila kita bermimpi macam benar rasa dan fiilnya.

Dahlah curang, lepas tu pergi merendek depan mata Alwi sendiri. Haha. Tapi dalam mimpi tu, walaupun aku bersama dengan lelaki lain, aku tetap tidak merasa bahagia sejati dengan si dia. Nak lelaki tu, nak Alwi lebih. Apa motif aku curang pun tidak dipertontonkan dengan jelas. Aku rasa lelaki itu mengurat aku kot. Pada penamat cerita sial itu, akhirnya aku merayu gila, melutut dan menangis kat Alwi supaya maafkan dan terima aku semula. Sampai situ sahaja. Tiba-tiba sedar dengan mata terbeliak, darah bergemuruh tak percaya.

Agak lamalah aku terpaku di katil, mengejar kembali realiti.

"Oh. Mimpi. Celaka kau."

Cliche memanglah cliche. Tapi kenapa perlu diulang tayang sebanyak dua kali?

Sedih, pilu sangat kau tahu tak.

Aku tahu sebenarnya mimpi aku tidak pernah membawa sebarang petanda tetapi ada maksudnya. Mimpi-mimpi sial aku itu cuba mengajarku dan baru kini aku faham.

Aku faham apa yang cuba diajar dalam mimpi sial yang pertama, kedua dan berikutnya.
Dan mimpi yang keempat ini?
Kesalahan yang tidak pernah timbul secara nyata tetapi berhantu.

You're like a hard candy with a surprise center. How do I get better once I've had the best? I am truly sorry sayang.

For those who are concerned only

I've been asked by someone.
"Anis, kau tak rasa kau beriya-iya workout ni semata-mata untuk Alwi ker? Kau nak kurus sebab dia kan? Aku tengok kau nih exercise tiap-tiap hari, tak kurus-kurus pun."

You see, I started to do some workout during the end of the last semester. I do jogging and exercise for almost everyday. And now, I'm starting to like cycling. I just got a mountain bike from my sister and it is cool. I'll favor cycling very soon.

BUT, it wasn't Alwi who forced me to do workout and says, "Dear, you're putting alot of weight since the last time. I don't like it. Malulah nak jalan dengan you nanti. I want you to exercise and get rid of that flabby tummy for me please."

He never said such thing. I have a problem with myself and its bugging me since I was in form 2. I'm too conscious about my body. It causes me to have low self-esteem. I kept complaining to him and never do anything about it. I made a first move when he said,

"You are not comfortable with your body right? Why don't you do something that can make you feel comfortable with it? All I want is for you to accept your own body and be comfortable with it. You can do anything that is healthy. I forbid you from throwing back your food, not eating all day long and be an anorexic. Have a proper meal 3 times a day, at least."

Since he's an athlete, he influenced me a lot. He loves working out and very passionate in running and extreme mountain biking. He just shared his experiences with me and I became interested in the things that he does. Yea, he is my fitness motivator.

I'm also lucky to have supportive friends at college. They're slim and their bodies are surely in shape but they really don't mind to exercise together with me because they wanted to stay fit and feel healthy. After a while, I have changed my perspective towards exercise. I'm no longer do regular exercise to lose weight but because I'm starting to like it. I don't care how many pounds I have lost because the most important thing is I am fitting myself into my own body and the feeling of being uncomfortable with my body is fading away.

Bila nak buat baik ada halangan

Tapi bila nak buat jahat, senang jeeeeer!

Hari ini ada kempen derma darah dekat kolej aku. Tapi aku tak dapat derma sebab si pegawai kesihatan itu dapat kesan yang aku kurang sihat. Memanglah aku baru sembuh dari demam 2, 3 hari lepas tetapi takkanlah tak boleh derma langsung. Salah aku juga sebab terlepas cakap yang aku ambil ubat antibiotik.

Semester lepas ada juga kempen derma darah dijalankan tetapi aku tak dapat derma sebab aku tak cukup 18 tahun. Heee.

Bengang okayh?

Tetapi aku perasan sesuatu juga. Sebenarnya dalam hidup ini, kalau kita beriya-iya atau pun teruja hendak lakukan kebaikan, baik pada diri sendiri atau pun masyarakat, ada sahaja halangannya. Tapi bila kenakalan diri menjelma, senang dan lancar sahaja hendak laksanakan rancangan nakal itu.

Aku geram sedikit sebab layanan pegawai kesihatan itu tidak mesra langsung. Bertambah panas hati aku.

Apa pun, aku gembira dan teruja juga bila berkesempatan untuk uji kumpulan darah aku sebabnya selama ini aku tidak pernah tahu. Dan, jeng jeng jeng...

Aku adalah penerima universal tetapi orang lain tidak boleh terima darah aku.

Tamak dan kedekut kan bunyinya?

Aku berdarah jenis AB! Sama macam Abah! Sah aku anak abah! Hihi.
Bak kata Alwi,
"Suka betul dia nak sama dengan Abahnya"

Hihihi. Mestilah. Like father like daughter! =D

10 Facts and Habits Tag

Got tagged by my brother.
Here they go.

1. I like to arrange the cash note in my wallet. The new and good-looking cash note will be at the front while the old-looking and dirty ones will be at the back.
2. My skin is sensitive and easily to get infected.
3. I am a silent reader and I don't really like to leave any comments.
   
4. I am very choosy when it comes to befriended with guys. First thing that I will look at is their studies, family and education backgrounds.
   
5. I do like to check out pretty and hot chicks.
   
6. This is not a habit but it's a fact that I hardly to spot any hot guys ONLY when Alwi is around. I wonder where they're all gone... is he some kind of hot-guys repellent or what?
   
7. Until today, I still don't like football and don't understand why the fans would get so emotional when watching the match and will mocking like hell when their favorite team loses.
8. Literally, I am very good in making drinks especially cold drinks and my roommates favour my iced Milo.
9. I don't like to keep in touch or contact my friends using my phone because I am stingy when it comes to my credits. I prefer to reach them via online.
10. I fancy specky and nerd-looking guys.

My current body weight is stressing me up!

And I'm getting out of shape too... ='(

Not getting.. but I AM already out of shape!

People no longer seem to ask me how am I doing and directly will point to my extra belly, flabby arms and obviously rounded-chubby face and give me that OH MY GOD look...

ANIS! KENAPA GEMOK?!

Gemokgemokgemokgemokgemokgemokgemokgemokgemokgemokgemokgemokgemok.....

I can tell that they are seeing me transformed into some kind of big momma!

THIS is very very very BAD.

and very SAD too!

I miss my budak-sekolah-punya-body!

I was slimmer back then and right after I left school, I'm putting lots of weight...

*sob sob sob*

Let's see what have I done (or eat to be exact)

1. I began to work right after I finished my SPM. My co-workers have a big appetite and they never missed to share their foods with me although my tummy has full. Besides that, this was the starting point where I finally have guts to try out some foods that I've never tried before.
I put the blame on my co-workers.

2. Then, I went for National Service and I had 6 times of meals per day. What do you expect? I don't know why I gained weight while everyone else seems to be lost their weight. I did the same activities too. The saddest thing is, my body metabolism rate seems to be very loooooooow~
I put the blame on my body metabolism rate.

3. Later, I entered college and I get hungry easily. After ages I've tried to avoid junk foods, I just can't resist them now. They are very tempting you know. Moreover, my friends and roommates always got something to munch. And whenever they can't finish their meals or foods, they will pass them to me because they know I won't waste any foods.
I put the blame on my weakness or more known as habit which is I don't waste food easily.

4. Both fasting and Raya months have been very challenging and disappointing for me... my nightmares finally came true...
I put the blame on this festive season.

and lastly, I put the blame on me for not taking good care of my body! *sob sob sob*

Time can change everything

Now,


The girls in my class, Section 7 / Sem 1 / 2008


My roommates - Nisa and Ogy


back then......




5K / 2007


My clique


My besties


only we both knows..

now,
I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend,
Lucky to have been where I have been



They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this

and how amazing time can bring people apart
and
time also can bring people closer.